after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
