you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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