Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
