ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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