I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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