You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize