He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize