Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
