Me too!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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