Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
pray to the hookup gods
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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