in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
