don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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