im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
