Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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