I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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