I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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