You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
