If i come over, it means nothing
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
