i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
