She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
