Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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