Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
