I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
