When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
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You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
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During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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