yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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