Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
