.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
