the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
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