exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
