According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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