Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
