you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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