Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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