literally had 100 drinks last night.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
