We named our party play list daddy issues
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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