My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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