girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
