i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left an ass print on the piano.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize