this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
