we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm at about main and main street
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
