Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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