Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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