there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
