How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
