I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
