I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
