peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
