Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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