You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
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