I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
