Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
