dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
