I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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