You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
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How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
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We have started to decorate penises.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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