I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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