he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
