It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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