No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
