If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
