so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
