I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
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Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
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I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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