Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i drank out of a bidet.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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