Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
