Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
