Kiss
Puke
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
