We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
