Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
