It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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