party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
