i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
