Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
