Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
