Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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